Frequently Asked Questions

Mediation is a process facilitated by a completely neutral person—the Mediator—who helps two or more parties communicate about their conflict and explore ways to resolve it. The Mediator's job is to listen, ask questions, clarify information, and help identify the core issues. They serve as a guide throughout the process, which is uniquely tailored to the individuals involved.

Understanding both your perspective and the other party's perspective is crucial in mediation. Prior to the session, the Mediator works with you to understand your needs and concerns, custom-tailoring the process to fit your specific situation.

Mediators assist in facilitating communication between parties in conflict, aiming to help them reach a resolution together. They do not evaluate, judge, make recommendations, or take sides in any manner.

The core responsibility of the Mediator is to provide a structured environment where each party can express their perspective, with the Mediator guiding the conversation to ensure clarity and mutual understanding.

When you arrive for the mediation, your mediator will conduct an orientation session. This is a brief discussion during which you'll have the opportunity to review the agreement to mediate and ask any questions you might have about the process.

Mediation is completely voluntary and can be terminated at any time. If you decide not to proceed after the orientation session, that's entirely acceptable, and you will not be charged.

Once the agreement to mediate is signed, both parties will be asked to provide some background on the situation and state their goals for the mediation. Subsequently, parties will take turns sharing. The magic of mediation unfolds in how this sharing occurs.

Communication is channeled through the mediator. After each party shares, the mediator will check in with them, asking questions to ensure they have captured the essence of what was said.

If the mediator did not fully grasp what you were trying to say, you are encouraged to clarify and help them understand better, and it is important to the mediation process that you do so.

The mediator, after checking in, may recap what you said to the other party and connect it to other information that has been shared. This step is always approached with the aim of accurately understanding and conveying your perspective.

This process is reciprocal, with the mediator also summarizing the other party's points for you. Although it might seem unusual initially, we encourage you to engage with the process and give it a chance to make a difference. It is in this exchange that the transformative power of mediation truly lies.

We ask that you:

·      Recognize this process as your own, an unique opportunity to communicate, and that the mediator is a neutral there simply to facilitate communication

·      Commit to engage in the process in good faith which basically means being honest, open, and fair, and willing to discuss all relevant information and issues

·      Make a sincere effort to present your perspective

·      Try your best to understand the perspective of the other party

Confidentiality is foundational to mediation, encouraging participants to feel safe and able to openly discuss sensitive issues, thereby facilitating a deeper level of conversation that can lead to resolution.

There are certain exceptions to confidentiality, which are all covered in the agreement to mediate.

One significant exception involves allegations of child abuse. As mandatory reporters, mediators are required to report any credible allegations to the appropriate authorities to protect the welfare of the child.

Additionally, information that is already discoverable through legal means does not gain protection through mediation. If certain disclosed information could be obtained by other parties outside of mediation, such disclosures are not shielded by confidentiality.

Virginia law typically prevents judges from compelling mediators or participants to divulge the contents of mediation discussions (with certain exceptions like cases involving serious threats of violence). Mediators are committed to confidentiality and, if questioned, can only confirm the occurrence of mediation.

Finally, while the mediation process itself is confidential, any agreements reached and signed as a result are not inherently confidential, unless explicitly stated within the agreement itself.

Honoring the Parties’ Autonomy

It’s important to note that not all mediations culminate in an agreement, nor should they. A good mediator will never try to force an outcome that is at odds with where the participants, having worked through the mediation process, find themselves at. Forcing an outcome would not only breach ethical standards but also defy reason.

People who participate in mediations that do not move into the agreement stage often still experience benefits associated with being able to clearly present their perspective and hear the other’s in a calm, controlled setting, and as a result may experience improvements in communication with respect to the conflict.

Formalized Agreements

Bonhomie is dedicated to tailoring mediation processes to meet individual needs. For parties aiming to reach and formalize an agreement, the act of documenting the key points of consensus is integral to the mediation process.

Signed agreements bear legal weight and are enforceable under contract law. We encourage parties inclined to seek legal counsel to do so and welcome the opportunity to work with attorneys in whatever capacity they are directed.

Please note, mediators are neutrals, and can provide legal information, but may not provide legal advice/representation. Providing legal information most often looks like identifying and reviewing applicable legal statutes as written.

Agreements for Non-Legal Disputes

Parties may also come to mediation for non-legal disputes and seek to have a facilitated discussion leading to greater understanding. Here, reducing agreements to written form may be less important than coming to a verbal understanding.

However, it may prove helpful to sum up what was resolved in an unsigned document for each person to have as a representation of their commitment to the understanding and which can be easily referred back to.

In these cases, creating an unsigned document summarizing the resolutions can serve as a tangible affirmation of the parties' commitment to their mutual understanding. These documents, known as unsigned memorandums of understanding, offer a reference point for both parties moving forward.

Mediation is based on the principles of self-determination, autonomy, impartiality, and confidentiality. Our commitment to you is to honor all these principles in all parts of your mediation experience. We also bring our own unique commitment to you as part of our business’s value proposition.

If inclined, we encourage you to review our core values in full, and summarize them here:

Self-determination and Autonomy: Your voice will be honored and respected. We guide the process, but you determine how and where it goes, ensuring outcomes that are not only fair but also feel right to you.

Impartiality and Neutrality: We are committed to deep and unwavering neutrality and consider it to be the essence of our work.

Availability: Whatever the nature of your dispute, including non-legal disputes, we are here to offer a supportive and effective mediation space.

Confidentiality: The assurance of privacy fosters a setting where discussing the situation and its impact feels safe, encouraging a deeper exploration of the conflict and its solutions.

Customization: Our focus is on understanding your unique situation and preferences, ensuring that the mediation process is not just effective, but also resonates with your personal requirements.

Workability: By focusing on sustainable, realistic agreements, we help translate mediation into positive, tangible changes, making sure solutions truly fit into the fabric of your daily life.

Mediation is a process of narrative co-creation.  Mediation works because when people in conflict sit down together and are guided through a process where they co-create the narrative of the conflict in a safe, private space, they are able to see, hear, and understand one another better, and solutions naturally start to emerge.

While it is not necessary to the success of the mediation, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the feelings the conflict has engendered, it can be helpful if you take some time, sit down, and write out your current “narrative” of the conflict.

Clarifying for yourself what your perspective is can help you to make connections that may be useful in the mediation and life.